24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"Harry," Snape started, "If it makes you uncomfortable, you honestly needn't concern yourself with it."

Harry said nothing for a while. He just kept staring at the envelope in his hand. The writing was neat and sort of loopy. He recognised the distinct way in which Dudley crossed his t's in an upward curvature rather than a horizontal slash. A habit he apparently never broke.

"Shouldn't I have brought it?" Alex asked, "I can always take it back. Pretend it never got delivered."

Dudley's own address was written in a smaller print underneath his own name. The words 'Privet Drive' seemed so unreal to Harry at that point. His eyes lingered on the curly S that started off the word 'Surrey' wondering just how life was at that house of horrors now that he wasn't around anymore.

"Harry," Snape urged again. His hand swooped down on the envelope in Harry's hand with the intention to take it from him but Harry clamped down harder, his gaze lifting to look at Snape.

"It's alright," Harry said, forcing himself to smile somewhat. "It's just a letter. What harm could it do?"

"To the-boy-who-lived?" Alex chimed in, "Not very much, I'd wager." It was clear that he was trying to be funny, but the words left his mouth in an unsure fashion. Harry's attention was back on the envelope so he wasn't even aware of the glare Snape shot Alex.

"Thank you for stopping by, Alexander," Snape said. To Harry, it sounded distant. "Would you mind terribly if I asked you to leave, for now?"

"Of course, Severus," Alex agreed, "I'll come back some other time, okay?"

Snape nodded and Alex walked out the door, stopping only for a second to look back at Harry. He wisely didn't say anything more and left, closing the door as softly as he could.

With much trepidation and an unsteady hand, Harry opened the envelope, tearing it slightly since it was glued shut. Harry wasn't really used to the muggle way of sending letters anymore. Finally, he took out the two pieces of paper which were folded neatly in half and opened them.

Dear Harry,

Harry couldn't help but snort at the way he was addressed. Not only the fact that Dudley used his first name felt off, but the 'dear' in front of it felt as if it belonged in a different universe entirely.

I know that I'm probably one of the last people you would ever want to hear from, especially when it is so close to Christmas but I felt like there are many things that need to be said and I couldn't hold off anymore.

Basically, I want to apologise.

Harry swallowed thickly. He realized that it had been a few years since he had even seen Dudley but he could never have guessed that his cousin would have grown enough to apologise for anything, let alone for the things he had put Harry through. It seemed unreal. Half expecting this to turn into a cruel joke, he continued reading.

I know there are no excuses for having done what I have done to you and I realize now that I've been unnecessarily cruel and unjust towards you. Over the years, I have realized that the way my parents have been treating you was beyond abusive. You have no idea what it took for me to just write that. But it's true. They've both been horribly abusive to you and I honestly can't even fathom how you're still alive. Perhaps it was your magic that kept you alive. Perhaps you're just made of strong stuff.

When my parents went to Cokeworth and were stopped by your teacher, I was out of it. I was later told that I had been attacked by some sort of magical creature and was sent to a magical hospital to get better. Harry, those people helped me so much. And they did wonderful things with their magic. They made potions that helped with the nightmares and there were people that talked with me to clear things up. I understand that you've suffered greatly in your life but you must understand that for a long while, I thought I could never be happy again.

While there, I heard your name a lot. How you were supposed to be the saviour of the wizarding world. How people were suffering and dying every day and how they hoped that you would destroy you-know-who soon. I was never aware of the tremendous pressure you were under. I never knew just how much people depended on you. I know you've mentioned it once or twice but you must understand that it all seemed very unreal.

Harry snorted in slight amusement. He understood very well how unreal it all would seem. Hell, even Harry himself had found it ridiculous at times. Especially when he hadn't even heard the prophecy yet. Not believing that particular claim was not something Harry could fault Dudley for.

What I'm trying to say is that I admire you. You were bullied for most of your life and at the same time, some dark wizard was after your life and apparently came close to killing you practically every year! I was even made aware of the fact that you managed to fight off those horrible creatures that attacked me, all by yourself. You fought so bravely, even when I and many others tried knocking you down every step of the way.

I have broken all contact with my parents after I asked mum what the address was of your teacher. I don't know if you still live there, but if you don't, I'm sure he can get this letter to you. I honestly don't understand how they're not in jail. I know that by now you are loved and very respected. People would die for you, even if they never even met you. Surely, if you would wish to bring my parents to justice, you could do so easily. Why haven't you?

I would like to tell you that if you should still want to do so, I'm willing to help you. Yes, I would bring to light my own horrible actions towards you, but it's the least I can do. And I want to do whatever I can for you. I know it won't make right what I did. I don't think anything ever will, to tell you the truth. But I can at least try.

Finally, I want to tell you that I know now that you are not a freak. You are my cousin. You have a wonderful gift that I am envious of. I'm glad for it, though, since it got you away from my folks. You are an amazingly strong person that has been able to overcome every hurdle in his life. You've done things I could never do in a million years and I admire you for it.

I regret everything I have done to you and if I could turn back time and be nicer to you, I would.

I will understand if you never want to hear from me again. I will not contact you on my own after sending this letter. But should you wish to send me one, I will send a reply. I just hope that one day, I will be able to introduce you to my children. They will not know their grandparents, so I hope they will at least know you.

Thank you for putting up with me all those years without horribly maiming me with magic. I've seen many things in that hospital and I know now what you could have done.

I will not ask for your forgiveness because I know that I don't deserve it.

Your cousin,

Dudley Dursley.

Harry stared at the signature for a while, not really understanding why he felt tears brimming in his eyes. Snape apparently understood that Harry's eyes weren't darting across the words anymore and gently shook his shoulder.

"Harry," he said, "Are you alright?"

"I think so," Harry said quietly, his voice trembling. Why was he being so emotional about this?

Snape seemingly felt alarmed. He hurriedly sat down in the chair next to Harry, grabbed his chin and made him look at him. "What did he say?" Snape growled, "If he hurt you in any way, I'll –'

"He didn't say anything bad," Harry interrupted before he had to listen to Snape's fantasy about disembowelling his cousin. "He just said – well, why don't you just read it? It's too much to explain."

Harry handed over the letter to Snape and sat there staring at his cold toast as Snape's eyes scanned the pages. Eventually, the man put down the letter gently and sighed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Snape asked.

"I wish I knew if he was telling the truth," Harry said, "What if this is all a big joke?"

"I could always slip him some veritaserum, if you wish," Snape replied easily. Harry would have laughed but Snape sounded dead serious.

"No," he replied instead, "You'll probably be sent to Azkaban if the ministry finds out."

"You don't need to send a reply," Snape said, "You don't owe him anything. He even says so himself."

"But what if he means it?" Harry asked, "I can't just not reply."

"I think you'll find that you can," Snape responded, "You are fully capable of tossing that letter in the bin and moving on with your life. If you wish, you could toss it in the fireplace."

Harry chuckled. "That's a nice thought but I don't think I could do that," he said, "If Dudley is sincere, it took a lot of courage for him to write all those things. I honestly never even thought he would be able to write this much in one go." Harry chuckled. "But it's his handwriting."

"How do you wish to proceed?" Snape asked.

"I don't know yet," Harry said, "I think I'll take a few days to think about it."

"That is always a wise course of action," Snape said, sipping his tea. "Were you still hungry? I could heat your food for you if you wish."

"No, thank you," Harry said, "I don't think I could eat anything else right now. Can we just do some brewing or something?"

"As you wish," Snape said, standing up from his seat. "Would you like to continue on your potion?"

"Not that one," Harry said, "I'd rather keep the tests for it contained to Hogwarts."

"Why?"

"Well, think about it," Harry said, "The last test had as a side-effect that all of the ghosts in Hogwarts were drawn to me. If I had done that test in here, it would've seemed as if nothing had happened at all."

"That's a valid point," Snape agreed, "So what would you like to do instead?"

"Well, do you have any foxgloves stored in here?"

For the next couple of days, Harry practically locked himself in the potions lab – which Snape had created in the basement of the house – coming out only to eat and sleep.

Snape would often find himself brewing right next to the boy, keeping a wary eye out as Harry tried to create the potion he wanted to make for Alex. He knew that Harry was trying to process Dudley's letter and was doing so by burying himself in potions work but Snape didn't mind. At least the behaviour was not as self-destructive as some of Harry's had been in the past.

On the third day of brewing, Harry had just added the flax seeds and orange zest for his second attempt when he sat down heavily into his chair.

Hedwig – who they had not been able to keep from the basement – sat proudly on a thick perch that Snape had fastened to the wall. She hooted softly in response to Harry's sudden arrest.

"Harry?" Snape asked, "What's wrong?"

"I'm going to send a reply," Harry responded, "It's only right."

Snape sighed heavily. "If that is what you wish," he said.

Harry remained silent as Snape walked over to his cauldron and peered inside of it. "Ten times clockwise should do, I'd wager?" he asked. Harry nodded before leaning back and closing his eyes.

"I thought I was rid of all this, you know," he said while Snape stirred his potion for him. "I haven't even so much as thought about the Dursleys in over a year. Besides during the Occlumency lessons, of course."

"The past is never where you think you left it," Snape said easily, "But sooner or later, we all have to let go of it."

Harry looked at him strangely as Snape let go of the ladle and turned to look at him.

"How do you come up with these things?" Harry asked in bewilderment.

"I read a lot," Snape replied, smirking, "Now, are you going to toss in the next of your ingredients or will you deem this batch a failure as well?"

Harry huffed. "You know as well as I do that the creation of a new potion does not happen overnight."

"It doesn't," Snape agreed, "But I believe that this potion will prove to be a lot easier than the one you're already attempting."

"I agree," Harry said as he emptied a small container of dirt on his station and imbued it with his magic. "But I still don't think I've got it entirely."

"At least you're getting practice in the technique I showed you," Snape pointed out, "That should help greatly with the – What are you planning on calling that potion anyway?"

"Umbral Locum," Harry informed him rather proudly.

"Fitting," Snape said, "And yes. These techniques will work great for that."

Harry buried the flobberworms in the sand, watching as they started writhing. When they stopped moving again, Harry cut them up and tossed them in the cauldron.

"I suspect it will," he said. He stirred twenty times counter-clockwise, making sure to scrape the bottom of the cauldron sufficiently as to not allow any of the residue to stick to the bottom. "Do you think Alex will want to be my test subject again?"

"He didn't seem averse to it last time," Snape pointed out, "I think he really wants to fly that broom. Which reminds me. We've been invited for dinner on boxing day."

"Wow, really?" Harry asked, "Emma wants to put up with you again?"

Snape smirked. "I'm quite sure that she's rather fond of you," he said, "but it wouldn't be proper of her to invite only you."

"She might try to set you up with someone again," Harry chuckled.

"Or she might have found someone for you this time," Snape pointed out.

Harry removed the cauldron from the fire and allowed the liquid to cool down. "I'm going to write my letter now," he said, "If I don't do it now, I fear that I never will."

"Dumbledore has always said that you're far too quick to forgive," Snape said gruffly, "And by Merlin, he is right."

"I don't think you understand," Harry said, smiling gently. "But I will forgive him not for his sake, but for my own. It's what I need to do if I want to move on from this."

"When did you get so smart?" Snape groaned.

Harry grinned. "I read a lot."

Dudley,

I would never have expected to hear from you again but here we are.

I must admit that I wasn't too eager to read your letter and afterwards, I had to think it over for days before deciding that I would write back to you.

You are right to say that your actions – as well as those of your parents – have hurt me more than words can say. Seeing that on paper makes it sound a little awkward, but it's true.

Your parents are monsters and I will never see them in any other light. But you were a child that was taught by his parents to hurt the freak as much as he could. That doesn't mean I approve of your actions but it means that I understand.

I appreciate the offer of taking action against your parents but I would rather not. I'm already in the wizarding paper enough as it is, I don't want anyone to know about what my home life has been like. I would rather forget all of this has ever happened and move on.

That said, I think I could manage to allow for at least you to remain in my life, though I don't think I want to see you just yet. Writing this letter already takes a lot out of me.

When you have children of your own, I will make a conscious effort to meet them, of course. As long as they're not taught the same values you were, I might even be willing to be part of their lives. But those are things for the far future and will remain to be seen.

In any case, I appreciate that you broke ties with your parents for what they've done to me. And it means a lot for you to acknowledge your mistakes and tell me you're sorry. I know that must've taken a lot of courage.

You can write me back if you want. I'll tell Hedwig to wait for your reply if you want to give her one. Just tie it to her foot. She'll enjoy a strip of bacon, should you have it.

Harry.

Harry reread the letter a couple of times before deciding that it would do, sealed it and tied it to Hedwig's foot. "Bring this to my cousin, Dudley," he said.

Hedwig fluffed her feathers in dismay and Harry chuckled. "I know," he said, "I'm apprehensive too but I think I should give him one more chance. Don't you?"

Hedwig looked away haughtily and Harry stroked her feathers. "I don't have a whole lot of family left, Hedwig," he told her, "I know the chances of me making up with Dudley are slim at best, but I owe it to myself to try."

Hedwig regarded him carefully for a while, then nipped his ear and flew away. Harry swallowed nervously when he saw her leave. There she went. Only time would tell if he made the right decision.

Harry sat reading in the sitting room with Snape on the day before Christmas. Alex had willingly tried his second batch of the potion but it had still been ineffective. Well, not entirely perhaps. It had made his hair rise and float towards either Snape or Harry. Whoever had been closest. So Harry had been able to make the potion react to magic – since that seemed to be what Alex' hair had been doing – but not in the way he had wished it to.

"Catalogue it nonetheless," Snape had said, "It may not seem useful right now but maybe someday, someone will know exactly what to do with it."

Harry sighed as he flipped the page in his Herbology book as he was looking for an ingredient that could replace the orange zest. Suddenly, his focus was broken when the floo flared green and a certain blonde stepped through the fire.

Harry was supremely jealous of the poise and grace with which Draco managed to step out of the hearth. Harry had been able to stay on his feet last time, but that was really all that could be said of him.

"Happy Christmas!" Draco exclaimed happily. In his arms, he carried several gifts. "Where may I put these?" he asked politely.

"Happy Christmas, Draco," Harry replied. He jumped up from his chair and went to greet his friend. "Glad you could make it. Just dump the presents under the tree, if you will."

Draco snickered and did as he was suggested.

"Got anything good for me?" Harry asked.

"You?" Draco asked incredulously, "Don't be daft. These are all for Severus and for me, from my friends."

"Oh, really?" Harry asked as he eyed a package with his initials on it. "And what's that?"

"Harry," Snape chided, "It's not polite to snoop."

"I'm just teasing," Harry said, rolling his eyes.

"What were you reading?" Draco asked as he eyed the Herbology book Harry dropped. "That looks utterly boring."

"I'm just looking for a substitute for my orange zest," Harry said, "I'm trying to create a potion that would allow muggles to use wizarding tools."

Draco snorted. "And whatever would you want to do that for?"

"Alex would like to try flying," Harry said, "And I'm sure that there are many more wizards out there with muggle friends that would like to give some aspects of our world a try."

"I don't know," Draco said doubtfully, "I don't think I approve of muggles invading our world even more."

Harry shrugged, "Well, that's what I'm trying to do, whether you like it or not," he said.

"It's time you got over those prejudices, Draco," Snape snarled from the couch. He was narrowing his eyes at the blonde but the boy didn't seem to be too perturbed. "I would think you would know better by now."

"I do," Draco objected, "But I don't think it's a good idea to go and give them magical powers. They could blow everyone up!"

"I'm not going to give anyone magical powers, Draco," Harry said in exasperation. "Frankly, I think that would be impossible. All I need is for the muggle energy to not clash with the magic of the item, like a broom so he's able to use it."

"I know of more fun ways to spend my holiday," Draco said, "But you do you, I suppose. If I might make a suggestion, you should probably use ginger instead."

"Ginger?" Harry frowned, "Why?"

"Ginger cleanses the body of many things," Draco said, "It might even cleanse those less than desirable muggle energies."

Harry wasn't sure if Draco was kidding or not, but his suggestion didn't sound too bad. "Okay," he said, "I'll give that a try next time." Snape chuckled in amusement.

"And speaking of gingers, isn't Weasley coming as well?" Draco asked.

Harry couldn't help but chuckle at the comment and shook his head. "No, he can't" he replied, "Mrs Weasley wants as much of her children at home as possible over the holidays. I can't say I blame here."

"I would imagine she would have invited you over in that case," Draco pointed out.

"She did," Harry admitted, "But - well - We had a previous engagement."

"Meaning me," Draco said as he made himself comfortable in the chair next to Snape's.

Harry shrugged. "It's not like I haven't had Christmas at Ron's place before," he said, "But I've never had one with you."

Draco eyed the book Snape was reading curiously to which Snape raised a sardonic eyebrow.

"What are you reading?" Draco asked, smiling innocently as he leaned over the armrest of his chair.

"Not something that would interest you," Snape replied evenly.

"If you really think so, why not just show me?" Draco said, leaning even closer. For a moment, Harry thought the chair might topple but Snape turned the book so Draco could read it. The blonde frowned in disgust at the cryptic text.

"What's that?" he asked, "I can't understand a thing it says."

"That's the point," Snape pointed out, "It's a code."

"Oh," Draco replied, "And you're trying to crack it, I presume?"

"You presume correctly," Snape replied.

"Guys!" Harry exclaimed, "Christmas morning is tomorrow and you're both sitting here discussing some book?"

The combined smirks of Snape and Draco were a little unsettling but Harry braved them by putting his hands on his hips.

"I like a good read as much as the next guy but I forbid the reading of anything more intellectual than a greeting card or cracker joke."

Snape sighed and gently closed the book, putting it back into its rightful place. He secured it with a complex charm and leant back into his chair, steepling his fingers. "Very well," he said, "What did you have in mind?"

Harry grinned mischievously as he locked eyes with Draco.