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Chapter 22
Harry was already packed and ready to go even if he wouldn't need to leave until the next evening. But he was excited to go back home and see Alex. He vaguely wondered if he should introduce Draco to him when the blonde came over and decided he might as well. If Draco was able to act civil to Hermione, he would also be able to act civil to a muggle.
With great effort, he had managed to convince Hedwig to leave the dungeons and head towards Spinner's End. If took him promising her that she would be allowed to return to the potions lab but eventually, she had nipped his finger affectionately and taken flight. It would probably do her some good to fly a longer distance. She hadn't in a while.
As for Harry, right after dinner, he found himself back in Snape's quarters for what would be the last time that year. He wasn't there for an Occlumency lesson. Not really. But Snape had promised him that they would work together to find Harry's innate magic and the sooner he was able to access it, the better. Especially if it could help him with his potion.
"For this one time, I will need you to drop your shields," Snape said as he regarded the boy sitting in front of him.
Harry smirked. He had felt the familiar push of Snape's Legilimency but wasn't about to grant the man access without him expressly asking him to first. After all, he was supposed to keep his shields up all the time and block any and all attempts of Snape to force his way in.
"Okay," Harry agreed, "Anything I should know before we get started?"
"It'll all become clear once we've entered your mind," Snape said impatiently, "Now if you don't mind, lower your shields."
Harry tried to but realized that once you know how to put up your shields, it was rather difficult to stop doing so. It was almost like swimming. When you didn't know how to, it was easy to sink to the bottom like a brick. But when you did, it was quite difficult to stop from keeping yourself afloat.
"Harry, I'm waiting," Snape said, rapping his fingers on his desk.
"I'm trying," Harry protested, "Just give me a minute."
Snape sighed. "Just imagine a doorway of sorts for me," he said, "I'll be able to find that and use it to get in."
Harry scrunched up his nose in concentration and imagined a door. Light was shining through from underneath it and he imagined the door to be usable by Snape alone.
"There you go," Snape said and suddenly, Harry felt his presence within his own mind. The sensation was odd. When they weren't perusing memories or thoughts, he wasn't entirely closed off from the outside world. Right now, he was aware of both which gave him a sense of confusion.
"Are you aware of where I am?" Snape asked.
"Of course," Harry replied.
"Join me then," Snape said, "Close your eyes if you must. It makes things easier."
Harry closed his eyes and found himself in the now very familiar depths of his own mind. He wondered if he looked like himself since he had never encountered a mirror. Snape seemed to be able to take on forms of all kind. But right now, the dour man simply looked like himself as he stood there, waiting for Harry.
"I need you to focus," Snape told him, "Focus on the sense of magic."
"How do I do that?" Harry asked.
"Do you remember the first time you held your wand?" Snape asked. Harry nodded. "That's the feeling you're looking for. I need you to think of that."
"Er…" Harry still wasn't sure. What had that been like again?
After a few moments, Snape snapped his fingers and Harry felt himself being pulled into a memory again.
"Hey!" he protested, "I thought we weren't going to do this anymore?" He almost kicked Snape out of his mind when he realized that the memory was of him trying out wands. "Oh," he said.
"One of the many benefits of being an Occlumens," Snape explained simply, "Is being able to revisit your own past to look for wisdom you might have missed."
"Wow, could I use this to pass my exams?" Harry asked incredulously.
"You could try," Snape said evenly, "But by the time you gathered the information you would need, the exam would be long over. I don't need to remind you of the altered flow of time in here."
"Right," Harry sighed.
"Here it comes," Snape pointed out when he saw Ollivander's face lit up.
"I wonder," the old man said.
"Focus on that feeling. Relive the magic flowing through your wand for the very first time."
Harry honed in on the magic he felt course through his young body and grasped it with his mind, feeling as if he had taken hold of a strong rope. He tugged at it. The memory disappeared and all of a sudden, he was surrounded by threads of light in many different colours. The most prominent colour was red. Snape – who could see what Harry was seeing – scoffed.
"Typical," he growled.
"Are you going to tell me that strand is red because I'm in Gryffindor?" Harry asked incredulously.
"Of course not," Snape replied, "That's the thread that represents offensive magic. It was only to be expected that it would be so prominent."
"And what's this one?" Harry asked as he pointed towards a deep blue one. It was so thin that it was almost not even there.
"That's definite proof that you're not a seer and that divination was a complete waste of your time," Snape said icily.
"Of course it was," Harry said soberly, "But it was easy and relaxed. Well, until Trelawney predicted my death, of course."
"Not exactly what I would call a good reason to take any class," Snape said, "But since that's behind us, there's no point in arguing about it. Especially not when in the time-consuming progress of exploring your mind."
"It does seem rather mundane to discuss my curriculum while staring down at colourful strands of pulsating magic," Harry deadpanned.
"Indeed," Snape replied.
"So… what are we looking for?" Harry asked.
Snape pointed towards a brilliant white strand that seemed to be three times the size of the strand that represented seer magic. It was however not even half as strong as the red strand. Harry frowned at it.
"That's my innate magic?" he asked, "It doesn't look very powerful."
"Is power all you can think of?" Snape asked. He sighed in exasperation. "In this case, its power does not matter. It's powerful enough to make you a wizard which makes it stronger than average, to begin with. Surely, that should satisfy your need for excellence."
"Alright," Harry grumbled, "I get it. No need to get all snarky about it."
"Come," Snape said and started walking the path the magic took.
"So we just follow it?" Harry asked, traipsing behind Snape.
"Obviously," Snape sneered as he kept walking.
"And then what?"
"Harry, while I appreciate your sense of curiosity and longing for knowledge, you should realize that you'll find out soon enough if you would just be patient."
Harry rolled his eyes and looked around. They had bypassed the corridors - that resembled those of Hogwarts – some time ago and were now following a staircase downward. Around them, there were no more walls but rather a large open space with a great green sky in which fluffy clouds floated aimlessly. Among them, objects were strewn for which Harry could not think up a reason for them to be there. Like a grandfather clock and a large picnic basket. In the distance, he could see what seemed to be a playground and if he really squinted, he was sure there was a castle to be found.
"This is pretty wild," Harry snickered as he kept walking down the stairs, following close behind Snape. "Does your mind look like this as well?"
"Heaven forbid," Snape sneered.
"What's wrong with it?" Harry asked, "I kind of like it."
"Of course you like it, dunderhead. It's your mind we're exploring," Snape replied coldly, "Just keep going."
"I honestly don't understand how we're still going," Harry said, completely undeterred by Snape's less than amicable behaviour, "My mind can't possibly be this big."
"I too would not expect the limited capacity of your mind to stretch as far as this yet here we are," Snape said.
"If you won't stop being a prat, I'll kick you out," Harry warned.
"And deprive me of the sight of your horrifyingly sweet fantasies?" Snape retorted, "However shall I sleep at night knowing that I missed all of this?"
The stairs finally led them out of the admittedly fantastic scenery and stretched down a corridor for a while as if they were on the staircase to the astronomy tower. Snape started muttering under his breath.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked.
"Nothing in particular," Snape said, "It would simply appear that your innate magic is buried deeper than I had anticipated."
Harry contemplated that for a moment. "Will that make it more difficult for me to access it?" he asked.
"Not necessarily," Snape replied, "As long as the path remains straightforward, it should not pose an extra problem."
"Then why are you muttering?" Harry asked carefully.
"The deeper we venture into your mind, the more vulnerable it becomes," Snape replied, "We should be very careful."
"It's alright," Harry replied easily, "It's not like you're here to do any damage. Not this time at least."
"I was never going to damage you permanently, Harry," Snape said, sounding somewhat out of it.
"Of course not," Harry said, "Which is why I fully trust you being here, even if I am more vulnerable."
"It's not me I am worried about," Snape said pointedly, "But I am rather worried that your Gryffindor brashness might bring you to touch something you shouldn't. Impetuosity is not a valuable trait when doing something a delicate as this."
"At least give me some credit," Harry objected, "Or have you forgotten that I have, in fact, withstood that final lesson of yours. Perhaps I am more mindful of myself than you seem to think."
The winding staircase straightened out again and the pair of wizards kept walking further down. This next area was once again wide open and seemingly limitless but darker than the previous room. The sky was a dark blue as it would be at dusk but there was no moon and no stars. A forest stood erected all around them but about half of the trees appeared dead and dry. There were objects hidden in their branches. Harry frowned when he saw a toy soldier, a baby blanket and a pair of scissors. He shuddered involuntarily.
"I don't like this very much," Harry said, unconsciously walking somewhat closer to Snape. "Didn't you imply that I should like whatever is in here because it's my mind?"
"The upper levels are made up of dreams, desires and fantasies," Snape said evenly, "You control those, even on a subconscious level. The lower levels are made up of your experiences and fears."
Harry snorted. "That makes my mind a right house of horrors," he said, "though this isn't too bad."
Snape didn't respond. He just kept walking having the courtesy to not look at their surroundings. All he was focused on was that thread of white light. It seemed to pulse randomly at them as if urging them to keep going.
"The things I do to brew my potions," Harry said uneasily as he tried to break the uncomfortable silence. An owl seemed to hoot in the distance and a slow rumble came from somewhere across the horizon. Snape was still not saying anything.
"How much farther do you think we have to go?" Harry asked.
"You see as much as I do," Snape replied, "Possibly even more so I can't tell you."
"How often have you done this?" Harry asked, starting to feel more and more uncomfortable.
"A handful of times," Snape replied evenly. "Are you doubting my expertise?"
"No," Said Harry, "Just trying to determine if I'm a lost cause or something."
Snape snorted at that comment. "That's a ridiculous notion. Of course, you're not. The strand is right there. You can see it as clearly as I can."
"But maybe the core is buried too deeply," Harry said weakly, "None of the other strands are venturing this far."
"We will be fine," Snape said soothingly. "All you need to do is focus and we'll get there. It might just take a bit longer than I had expected."
"Okay," Harry said doubtfully, "But let me just say that this is getting to be decidedly creepy."
"Duly noted."
Again, the stairs disappeared into the ground, leaving the forest behind as Snape and Harry descended into another winding staircase. Cracks appeared in the brick walls the stairway coiled around and the steps seemed more and more unsteady and dilapidated.
"Have you ever read Dante's Inferno?" Harry asked out of the blue.
"I have," Snape replied, "Why?"
"It's starting to feel as if we're descending from the most benign of circles into increasingly bad ones."
Snape chuckled. "Harry, I assure you that if there is such a thing as hell, this is most certainly not it."
"I know that," Harry said, sounding exasperated, "I was just making an assessment if that's alright with you."
"Watch your step," Snape said urgently when Harry was about to put his weight on a particularly flimsy-looking foothold. Harry readjusted his gait and fell close behind Snape to copy his footsteps.
Once again, the stairs straightened out, revealing an even more grim scene. The sky was dark all around. There seemed to be something out that looked like stars but instead of exuding bright white light, they were oozing a blood red that seemed to stretch out elongated tendrils towards Harry. The crescent moon hung on its side as if the sky was smirking at the pair walking beneath it. It too oozed a blood-red light and if Harry looked close enough, he thought he could see teeth in the gaping mouth between which a red liquid flowed. And all the while the mouth was smirking.
Harry gulped and averted his gaze, only to become aware of the surrounding area. They seemed to be walking in a desert-like area. Dunes made up a large part of the scenery with strange, spidery plants trapped in their sands. Bits and pieces of ancient civilisations protruded from the cold sand as night-time crawlers made their way across the desert. A few of them turned their heads in Harry's direction but their eyes were hollow and cold.
"Oh Merlin, please don't let us go any deeper than this," Harry said to himself. Snape heard him but didn't respond.
Harry's eyes fell on a mountain of bones that lay stacked neatly against a huge but dead tree. The bones seemed to move as something burrowed beneath them. Harry turned his gaze to look at the strand of magic they were still following and wished for it to reveal its source already.
Harry yelped when something very close to him slithered across the sand rapidly, shifting it before it burrowed underneath. It had been much wider than a snake.
"Nothing will hurt you here," Snape reminded Harry. "Try and relax."
"If you say so," Harry said, not fully convinced. He would like to believe that his own mind wasn't about to attack him, though.
Faster than before, the stairs winded once more and Harry and Snape disappeared into the ground, leaving the scenery behind. The stairs were now so broken, that they might as well not have been there. It was now as if they were making their way down a slope that had sharp edges where the brick steps were still slightly intact.
Suddenly, Harry lost his footing and slid down when Snape's hand stopped him.
"Careful," he said, "We may be in your mind and not actually on a physically arduous journey but that doesn't mean you can't get hurt."
Harry used Snape's outstretched hand to right himself again and shot him a glare. "What do you mean?"
"When one believes themselves to be hurt strongly enough, their physical form will show the result. The further we go inside your mind, the more your body believes this ordeal to be reality."
"Now you tell me," Harry snarled.
"Would you not have gone if I had warned you?" Snape asked, arching an eyebrow.
Harry sighed. "No," he admitted.
"Once a Gryffindor, always a Gryffindor," Snape smirked, "And I'm not telling you that you're in actual danger. I'm just trying to prevent some cuts and bruises. Come on –" he stretched an arm down the path that would lead them farther down. "- I doubt we will have much further to go."
Harry inhaled deeply, steeled his resolve and continued walking, taking extra care to seek solid ground before shifting his weight. The stone column the path coiled around was missing various stones and showing gaping holes of darkness. Between the stones oozed a thick green liquid that slowly cascaded down and dripped onto the path they were taking. Harry thought he heard whispers coming from the wall but knew better than to stare down its depths.
The staircase straightened out again and actually ended entirely as if to signify that this was their final stop. Harry inhaled sharply at the new scene he was forced to lay eyes upon.
This time, the sky itself was a blood red. Cracks seemed to appear within it as if they stood inside a humongous snow globe that had been dropped and broken. Dead trees stood haphazardly among the earth, cracked because of the obvious draught that held this area in its grasp. Spiders and centipedes crawled between the crevices, fighting over what seemed to be scraps of meat. Harry's eyes widened when he saw a huge millipede wrap itself around what seemed to be a human ear.
A high pitched creaking sound reverberated around the area in a rhythmic pattern and made Harry's hair stand on end.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" Harry murmured.
"Nothing's wrong with you, Harry," Snape responded, ignoring the trail of spiders that crossed his path. "Everyone carries darkness in their heart. Even the Gryffindor golden boy." Snape smirked but sighed when he saw Harry's stricken expression.
"You've seen much in your life," he continued, "This was only to be expected."
Harry laughed bitterly. "You expected this?" he asked loudly, gesturing towards a rotting carcass of what seemed to be a large dog.
"I understand why this might seem a bit grotesque to you," he said, "But this is really not as bad as it seems. The mind is a perplexing thing and can be difficult to understand sometimes."
Harry scoffed indignantly.
"Believe me when I tell you that you're within the range of what one might consider 'normal', Harry."
"Well, normal is impossibly abnormal," Harry said evenly.
Snape laughed, lifting Harry's spirit somewhat, though he did still flinch when the sky splintered even more with a loud crack. For a moment he wondered if they would find themselves buried under tons of glass soon. Snape had already started moving again and Harry sped up somewhat to catch up with the man.
"It can't be much further," Snape told him, "Since there are no more ways down, the source of your inert magic has to be on this plain somewhere."
Harry heard the sound of crows as they flew overhead. He looked up to see at least two dozen of them circling. Sometimes, one of them swooped down to feast on the multitude of insects exuding from the pores of the earth. Other times, they simply fought the critters for the hunks of meat they had in their possession. Harry thought he could hear them yelling things at him. But if they were, their words were unintelligible. When he looked behind him, he noticed that he was leaving footprints. He didn't take the time to consider why those footprints were wet with red liquid.
The strand of magic they were following was pulsing quicker now. It was the only spectrum of light that was still visible on this plain and Harry found refuge in it. He felt his mind reach out to it and hold on, trying not to wallow in the dark depravity that surrounded them.
"I doubt Luna's mind is like this," he said as he watched how the skin of some dead animal was practically melting off the branches of a dead tree.
Snape snorted. "No, I don't think it would be," he agreed, "But Ms Lovegood is a special case, isn't she?"
"She thinks our souls are connected," Harry said, wondering why he even brought that up.
"Does she?" Snape asked evenly, "She might not be entirely incorrect."
"What do you mean?" Harry asked.
"It's rather obvious, I think," Snape replied, "The fact that I'm walking beside you as we're making this journey is proof of our connection. No one else could've gone with you this easily."
"Why is that?" Harry asked, "Is it because we've practised Occlumency together?"
"That is part of it," Snape acknowledged, "But it also has a lot to do with the fact that we trust each other. And that we've bonded in many ways that others – Professor Dumbledore for example – have not been able to do."
"Like when you adopted me?" Harry asked.
"Yes," Snape agreed, "As well as your apprenticeship."
"I'm lucky, I guess," Harry said, "That everything is connected to each other like this."
Suddenly, Snape held out his arm to stop Harry and peered at the edge of the thread in front of him. It ended in a large, pulsating orb that exuded strength and power. The light was so blinding that Harry and Snape had to shield their eyes from it. Surrounding it were trees in full bloom, bearing fruits of all kind. No creatures of the dark dared to venture close to it as light exuded from all around the orb.
Harry was overcome by a sense of calm and stepped forward. Snape didn't stop him. He merely followed.
"The orb is you," Snape said as Harry scuffled closer to it, mouth agape. "It is you at your most primal. It is your most pure and untainted form of magic. Once you touch it, you will know where it is buried. You will know how to access it. You can learn how to harness it."
Harry reached out but hesitated, stopping his hand mere inches from the glowing ball of light. It seemed to whisper to him. To call to him. Harry grew a bit suspicious, almost thinking this was a trap of sorts but Snape put a hand on his shoulder, soothing him.
"It's alright," he said, "It won't harm you. Reach out, and allow for it to guide your senses."
Putting all of his faith in the Potions Master, Harry reached out. As soon as his fingertips touched the orb, tendrils of the magic sped down the length of his arm, engulfing the boy in light. Snape let go as if he were chased away by the magic but he looked on with no concern in his gaze.
Harry felt himself be enveloped and recognised the feeling that now coursed through his veins. Even though he was sure that he had never felt it before. He felt it burrow its way into his mind and knew at that moment where it was and where he could find it. It made him feel more complete, even if he had never felt incomplete before. He now knew that he had been.
Finally, the light withdrew as fast as it had ensnared him and went back to being a big ball of light. Amazed, Harry looked at Snape to find the man smirk knowingly at him.
"I take it that now you understand," he said solemnly.
Harry felt euphoric and his eyes darted around excitedly as if he was literally looking for the right thing to say.
"That was extraordinary," he ended up saying, knowing that it was far from sufficient."
Snape chuckled. "That it was," he agreed. "What do you say we get out of here?"
Harry knew that his physical body was feeling tired when he felt the tug of sleep try to pull him away from his inner adventure. He smiled and took Snape's outstretched hand.
"That sounds great," he admitted.
It was a good thing for both of them that there was no need to make the journey back. Instead, they were catapulted back into the shallow depths of Harry's mind with tremendous speed where the boy finally broke the connection and entered the physical realm once more. He was vaguely aware of the sound of Slytherin students making their way to breakfast. He couldn't help but groan.
I wonder very much how you guys feel about the way I portray Occlumency. Any thoughts? As always, reviews are appreciated. It makes me happy!