A big thank you to everyone who reviewed! Don't be too upset with poor old Snape. He's had a lot of bad things happen to him. On that note, please enjoy this chapter!
Chapter 31
Harry was very much aware that Snape's personal problems were no concern of his nor would Snape appreciate him prying. That's why Harry tried not to let Snape's attitude get to him at first. But after several days had passed and Snape – as well as Professor Bell – were still sulking like a couple of teenagers, Harry decided that he was sick of it.
Since Snape was hardly approachable when he was in a mood, Harry decided to talk to Bell in the weekend. That's why he found himself standing in front of her door on Saturday morning. He knocked three times and waited patiently. A stumble inside of the office told him that Bell was in. A few seconds later, the door was opened hesitantly.
"Good morning, Mr Potter," Maya greeted in mild surprise, "Did you have questions about the staff of Caduceus?"
"No, Professor," Harry replied, "But I did have some questions. Could I come in, please?"
"Of course," Maya told him, stepping aside to allow Harry entry. When Harry was inside, Maya closed the door and went to sit behind her desk, steepling her fingers as she smiled kindly at her student. "Sit down," she said, "And tell me what's on your mind."
Harry accepted her offer to sit and met his History Professor's gaze. "I hope that I'm not intruding with this…" he said, suddenly wondering why he thought it was a good idea to meddle into the affairs of his father. "But I'm very worried."
Professor Bell frowned. "What are you referring to?" she asked. Her voice was less kind and Harry thought that she might already have a very good idea of why he was there.
"What happened between you and my dad?" he asked, "He looks like you kicked his favourite puppy."
"And what makes you assume that I have anything to do with his current demeanour?" Maya asked flatly.
"Because you look exactly the same way," Harry pointed out.
"I hardly think this has anything to do with you," Maya said softly.
"Perhaps not," Harry agreed, "But I can't just sit by and do nothing while someone I care about is in obvious distress."
"I assure you that the only reason Severus is in 'distress' is due to the machinations of his own warped mind."
"Excuse me?" Harry responded, a bit taken aback by the sudden bite in Maya's voice.
Maya sighed. "I apologise," she said then, "I shouldn't have said that. Perhaps you should speak to Severus about this instead."
"He's hard to talk to when he gets like this," Harry said.
Maya laughed bitterly. "You don't say."
"Look," Harry said, "Did you pull a prank on him that went too far or something? Because I'm sure that if that was the case a simple apology would set things right."
"It was nothing of the sort," Maya said sort of angrily, "Though he will tell you that it was."
"Wait, so he thought you pranked him when you didn't?" Harry asked, sufficiently confused.
"Exactly that," Maya said, distress now obvious in her own voice. She seemed to lose all decorum as she huffed and ran a hand through her long hair. "I know that we've been fooling around for a while but can't a person tell someone else that she likes him without being kicked to the curb?"
Maya clapped her hand in front of her mouth after she said that, looking at Harry with thinly veiled embarrassment.
Harry stared right back with utter amazement. "Wait," he said calmly, "You like Severus?"
Maya sighed, "Ignoring the last couple of days, yes," she said, blushing slightly, "Very much so."
"Oh no," Harry mumbled, "And you say he –"
"He threw me out," Maya said, shrugging as if she didn't particularly care. But she was an open book and Harry knew that she did.
"He threw you out," Harry said evenly, "That git!"
"Harry, I don't need you to fight my battles for me," Maya warned when she saw Harry bristle, "We're both adults here."
Harry snorted, "Yes, you would think so, wouldn't you?" he said, "Thank you for talking to me, Professor."
"Harry," Maya said warningly, "Leave it."
"I can't, Professor," Harry told her frankly, "I don't know what his problem is but I assure you that it's not you. I'd rather he stops burying his personal issues within himself."
Maya frowned but said nothing. Taking this as his chance to leave, Harry opened the door and left Maya's office, thoroughly annoyed.
Harry had gone straight to the dungeons and to Snape's personal chambers. He didn't bother knocking but rather forced his way inside to find Snape in his kitchen. He looked at Harry as the boy came in and raised his eyebrows as he took in Harry's angered appearance.
"Harry, I'm not in the mood," he said darkly.
"Oh, not in the mood are you?" Harry said as he closed the door just a tad too harshly. "I wonder if you even realize what you've done!"
Snape sighed. "What are you upset about this time?" he asked exasperatedly, "Is it because you got published again? Is it because I haven't responded to your messages all the time? I honestly would rather deal with your teenage tantrum some other time. Perhaps we could reschedule?"
"Oh, you think you're so funny, don't you?" Harry growled, "The hilariously sardonic greasy git of the dungeons!"
Snape's gaze darkened even more as he slammed his hands on the kitchen table. "I warned you that I am not in the mood for this," he hissed, "And I will give you one more chance to get out of here before I throw you out myself."
"Like you did with Professor Bell?" Harry challenged.
Snape seemed taken aback by that as was evident by the shock on his face.
"How do you know about that?" he snarled.
"Does it matter?" Harry challenged, "What I would like to know is why you would behave the way you did. If you're not interested, you can tell her that. There's absolutely NO need for you to humiliate her as you did."
Snape sneered, "And I take it that your Gryffindor chivalry compelled you to come set me straight, did it?" he asked cruelly, "Did it ever occur to you that perhaps it was not I that was in the wrong here?"
"Oh really?" Harry countered, "Please do explain then. Go on, I have all day. Explain to me why your response to someone confessing her feelings for you – something that would have no doubt taken a lot of courage – is to throw her out and then shun her from there on out?"
"She was joking," Snape said coldly.
Harry threw up his hands in exasperation. "No, she wasn't!"
"You're far too naive."
"And you're much too cynical."
"Whatever the case, I assure you that Professor Bell does not need you to fight for her."
"Don't you understand?!" Harry shouted, "I'm not fighting for her. I'm fighting for you!"
Snape actually dared chuckle at Harry's outburst. The sound was dark and bitter. "I don't need you to do that," he said, "You know nothing of love yourself. What makes you fit to tell me what to do?"
"I now understand why you had that conversation with me, the other day," Harry said snidely, "I joked about it at the time but you really just don't want me to end up like you."
"Mind what you say," Snape snarled.
"When will you stop excluding yourself from the rest of the world?" Harry said desperately, "My mum is dead! Lily is dead! When will you understand that?"
Snape's look turned into ice and his lips formed a very thin line.
"You are a child, Potter. Ill-equipped to deal with the social hardships of life. But I suppose I should not be surprised seeing how you were brought up," Snape sneered. Harry felt his blood turn to ice at the cruel statement.
To him, it felt as if they had travelled several years back in time. Snape normally never spoke to him like that anymore.
Harry closed off his heart to protect it from the Potions Master's wrath and narrowed his eyes at him. "I really hate you sometimes, you know that?" he said softly but he knew that Snape had heard him.
"Well, right now I'm not too fond of you either," Snape said darkly. "Get out, Potter."
"Fine," Harry replied. Without another glance at the man who he – until a few moments ago – regarded as his father, he stalked out of Snape's quarters and rushed out of the dungeons, regretting that he ever walked into Maya Bell's office that day.
Harry had skipped dinner that evening, opting for an early night. Anything to stay out of Snape's way for a while. Perhaps once they both had had sufficient time to cool down, they could reconcile. But as Harry went over the things Snape had said in his head, he knew that the time wasn't right for that yet.
The next morning, he had skipped breakfast as well. He half expected Snape to send him a message through his cuff to ask him where he was, but no such message came. Snape was probably still pretty angry himself.
It was a good thing that Harry knew Dobby. When he asked the house-elf to bring him some food, he had gladly obeyed and brought Harry much more than he could possibly eat. A good thing too, because drinking potions on an empty stomach was rarely a good idea.
And now, Harry found himself in the potions lab, painfully aware of how close he was to Snape but not bothering to pay the man a visit. Oh no, he would brew this potion with or without his help.
Harry peered into his cauldron. He had substituted the water base for a honey mead base and was waiting for it to heat up to an acceptable temperature. He glanced towards the edge of the room where Slughorn sat, watching him with great interest. Every now and then, his lips moved and Harry would gesture towards his own ears to signify that he could not hear the man due to the containment field.
Upset as he was, Harry was not stupid. He knew that experimentation with this particular potion should always be supervised and hey, several months ago Snape himself had said that Slughorn might come in handy at some point. Though he probably wouldn't have expected Harry to substitute Snape for him this blatantly.
Well, Slughorn had agreed rather excitedly.
When the honey mead was sufficiently hot, Harry started adding ingredients as he stirred, careful to keep a close eye on the innate magic of everything involved. He incinerated the jackal fur before adding it to the potion and was pleased to see the concoction eagerly swallow the ashes.
The innate magic of the ghost pipe was a gorgeous green that reminded Harry of life and joy. The potion's innate magic seemed to reach out to the ghost pipe before Harry had even fully managed to prepare it.
"Be patient," Harry chuckled before realizing that speaking to a liquid was rather insane. And yet, he could feel its eagerness, its… familiarity in a way. As he was brewing, completely closed off from the rest of Hogwarts and even the world, Harry was able to forget his current strife.
Too soon, he reached the final stage of the potion. He pulled out some of his hairs and tossed them into the crystal clear potion that somehow looked like plain and translucent water. The potion bubbled vigorously, the larger portion of the liquid evaporating as it had done before until there was only enough left to fill one vial. Harry collected it carefully and – with some disappointment – breached the containment field once more.
"Harry," Slughorn said in amazement, "That was fantastic!"
"Thanks, Professor," Harry brushed off the comment, "But now I need to actually test it."
"Of course, of course," Slughorn said. In some ways, he seemed to be even more excited than Harry was.
"The effects of the potion lasted two hours last time," Harry told Slughorn, "I don't know if the timeframe will increase with the changes I made but if I am out for more than three hours, it's best that you go get Professor Dumbledore."
"Of course," Slughorn said agreeably, "I'll keep a close eye on the time."
"I suspect it will be a bit boring to watch me but I'm counting on you, Professor."
"Harry," Slughorn, "I understand my duty as a Potions Master. I'd rather you didn't suggest otherwise."
"I apologise, Professor," Harry said, "You're right of course. Well –" he sat down on the floor with his back against the wall. He occluded his mind as he had done before and lifted the potion to his lips. "Bottom's up!"
He downed the potion in one, placing the empty vial next to him so it wouldn't shatter when he lost consciousness. He looked at Slughorn and saw his face going out of focus.
And then, the potions lab disappeared altogether. Harry felt a tug on his mind and allowed it to transport him to the plane where he would hopefully be able to talk to the spirits this time.
Where last time he had found himself standing in a dark and damp room, he was now sitting in a meadow that stretched as far as the eye could see. Wildflowers and tall grass surrounded him. The sky was a baby blue and even though there was no sun, Harry got a distinct impression that it was warm.
While still taking in the scenery, he was suddenly surprised by two hands covering his eyes. The touch was cold and warm at the same time but the hands were not transparent. Reflexively, Harry raised his hands to cover the ones obstructing his vision.
The hands moved to cup his cheeks and turn his face slightly. And suddenly, Harry found himself staring into the eyes he saw every day when he looked into the mirror. People always told him he had his mother's eyes. It was unreal to have them looking back at him like this.
"Mum," Harry said. The redheaded woman nodded and kneeled next to him. She didn't look like a spirit or ghost or anything. It was almost as if she was really there. Only…
"Mum, can you talk to me?"
Lily opened her mouth and her lips moved as if she was saying something but no sounds were produced.
"Damn it," Harry huffed. Lily gave him a reproving look and Harry snorted. "I'm seventeen, mum. I will use some bad language every now and then." That elicited a sad look from the woman as she grabbed hold of one of Harry's hands.
"Is dad not here this time?" Harry asked. Lily shook her head and placed a hand on Harry's heart. "Do you two talk to each other in – you know – the afterlife?"
Lily twisted her hand a few times as if to say 'In a way'.
"I'm experimenting with a potion now," Harry told her, "I'm trying to make something that will allow me to talk to you."
Lily placed the tip of her index finger against Harry's temple and gave him a questioning look.
"Are you worried about the consequences to my mind?" Harry asked. Lily nodded.
"Snape taught me Occlumency," Harry said evenly, "I'll be fine."
Lily got up from where she sat and placed her hands on her hips giving Harry the look. It was the same look that Molly Weasley sometimes gave Ron when he had caused some sort of trouble.
"Are you trying to tell me I did something wrong?" Harry chuckled, "Because I'm sure that in seventeen years' time, I did a lot of things wrong."
Lily seemed to sigh. She grabbed Harry's arm and pointed towards the cuff he was wearing.
Harry frowned. "Are you upset about Snape?"
Lily gave a sharp nod.
"For what he said or for what I said?" Harry asked.
Lily glared at him pointedly and then held up two hands as if she was weighing something.
"You realize that he's the adult, right?" Harry asked, "I can't help it if he's being a prat."
A pained expression struck Lily's face and she looked away for a moment as if she was caught off guard by a memory.
"Mum," Harry said, "I miss you."
Lily sat back down next to her son and draped her arm around Harry's shoulder. Harry didn't mind the cold tingle. Another hand brushed through his hair and he couldn't help but think that life would've been a lot different for him if he could've had a loving mother.
"I miss all of you," Harry then said, "You, dad, Sirius…"
Gently, Lily lifted Harry's arm and brought the cuff into focus again.
"I know," Harry said softly, "I have Severus now. And I appreciate him for it but sometimes he can be such a –"
His mother's hand clasped his mouth and when Harry looked at her in surprise, she shook her head mildly.
"I get it," Harry chuckled, "No cussing."
Lily nodded sharply.
Harry felt a tug at the back of his mind and groaned. He took Lily's hand and held it tight. "I don't want to go yet," he said.
Lily got up and dragged Harry to his feet.
"I've only just gotten here," Harry said, "I'm sure I can stay just a moment more."
Lily shook her head and inclined her head into the distance, signalling for Harry to go. Harry felt another tug at his mind. It was stronger this time.
"Okay," he said, "I'll go. Please just –" Harry stepped forward and drew his mother into a tight embrace. By now, she was slightly shorter than he was. "- Hold me. Just one more time."
Lily's arms enveloped him in one more embrace. Harry thought he could faintly smell her hair if he really tried. He could dimly imagine the sound of her laughter. He could almost… almost be with her.
But she let him go and shooed him away with an exaggerated motion of her hands. With one last look into his mother's eyes, Harry exhaled and let go.
Harry blinked a few times and the potion's lab came back into focus.
"Welcome back, Harry," Slughorn said kindly. He sounded as if he was paying attention to his inflexion and Harry wondered why that was. When he reached for his glasses to right them properly, he noticed that his face was tear-stained. Well, that was just brilliant.
"I'm sorry, Professor," Harry said, his voice sounding hoarse. "I don't know why I'm crying."
"That's quite alright, Harry," Slughorn said, "Were you able to meet a spirit?"
"Yes," Harry said, righting himself on wobbly legs, "There was only one this time but she –" Harry ran a shaky hand through his hair, "- I still couldn't hear her. There's still something wrong. A reason that the potion is not working to its fullest effect."
"Perhaps one of the catalysts isn't strong enough," Slughorn suggested.
"Maybe," Harry agreed, "I'll have to look into it again. How long was I gone?"
"Two hours and a half," Slughorn said, "So I guess you managed to extend the duration of the potion somewhat, hm?"
"I'm not sure," Harry said, "Maybe."
"I think you need to get something to eat, my boy," Slughorn said, "You've been brewing for hours and then you've been gone for a long time as well. It's nearly dinner time, after all. Come, let me escort you."
"That's okay," Harry said, "I'll eat something in the common room."
"Nonsense!" Slughorn exclaimed, "Come now. I know that you don't feel up to it right now but you'll feel much better after sitting with your friends and getting some sustenance into your body."
"Professor, I-"
"I'll hear no more of it," Slughorn said sternly, "Since I've been supervising your progress for today, I also need to make sure that you recover properly. I won't have either Professor Dumbledore or Snape on my case should you suddenly collapse in the hallway."
Harry chuckled somewhat and sighed. He really didn't want to but on the other hand, he did need to eat. And it would be good to see his friends. "Okay, you win," Harry said.
"I usually do," Slughorn grinned, "Come. Let's walk."
The walk to the great hall was accompanied by discussions and comments about various ingredients and their effects. Suffice to say that the short walk was not enough to determine what was still wrong with Harry's potion but it distracted him enough to be able to walk into the great hall without trepidation once they got there.
"I'll leave you to your friends now," Slughorn said, "Good work today. I know that you'll work it out soon. You're so close! Just remember to let me know once you do, okay."
"Of course, Professor," Harry said. They parted ways and Harry did his best not to look at the head table. He didn't even want to see the expression on Snape's face right now. He had walked in with Slughorn after all.
"Are you alright, Harry?" Hermione asked as he took his seat.
"Yeah, you do look a bit knackered," Ron added.
"I've been brewing all day," Harry explained, conveniently leaving out the part where he had tested the potion and seen his mother. It had been emotionally draining and truly, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed.
"Well, it's good to see you show up for a meal," Hermione said motherly, "You have to eat something."
"Dobby brought me breakfast this morning," Harry told them, "It's not like I've been going without."
"Well, could you make sure to tell Snape that next time?" Ron asked pointedly, "He came looking for you here at lunch and was absolutely furious that we didn't know where you were."
"I'm sure he wasn't mad at you," Harry said, tearing off a piece of bread, "He's mad at me."
"I'm sure he's just worried," Hermione pointed out.
"I don't know," Harry said, "We had a pretty bad fight."
"Even so," Hermione said smartly. "That's what people who love you do. They care for you even at the moments that you don't get along."
Harry felt a pang of guilt and finally looked at the high table. Snape was there. He was staring at his plate again, his food still untouched.
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