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<div class="chap-title">
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17. Chapter 17
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</div>
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<div class="chap-text">
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<p class='c1'><strong>Chapter 17</strong></p>
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<p>"As you are well aware by now, Legilimency and Occlumency go hand in hand," Snape
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said, "They are two sides of the same coin. Where Occlumency is a defensive skill,
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Legilimency is offensive. Therefore, you will need to actively cast the spell."</p>
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<p>"Well, I gathered as much from having you invade my mind all those times," Harry
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said blankly.</p>
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<p>Snape fixed him with a piercing glare and Harry wisely shut his mouth.</p>
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<p>"You need at least a basic grasp of Occlumency to be able to Legilimise someone's
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mind," Snape continued as if he wasn't interrupted. "It's important that you occlude
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your mind lest you lose yourself in your victim's memories."</p>
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<p>"But, Severus," Harry said, "I'm not quite there yet, am I?"</p>
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<p>"You are," Snape replied evenly, "Enough so to at least attempt the basics. And as
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I mentioned before, I will be there to guide you."</p>
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<p>"So what, do I hold your hand or something?" Harry joked.</p>
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<p>"Yes," Snape replied, "If we maintain a physical connection, it will be easier to
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attain that link while in each other's mind."</p>
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<p>"Oh," Harry said. He was starting to feel decidedly uncomfortable. Snape seemed to
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realize as much immediately.</p>
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<p>"It is really not that frightening," he said soothingly, "Trust me to know what
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I'm doing."</p>
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<p>Harry smiled as he relaxed somewhat. "I do trust you," he said.</p>
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<p>"Good. Then go ahead and take a seat."</p>
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<p>"Do I sit on the floor again?" Harry asked.</p>
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<p>"Just to be safe, yes," Snape replied. After Harry sat down, Snape went to sit
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across from him, his arms resting casually on top of his folded legs. Harry copied
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his position and looked at him expectantly.</p>
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<p>"Take my hands," Snape said. Harry inhaled deeply and did so, trying his best to
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ignore the missing finger on Snape's left hand.</p>
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<p>"Now clear your mind and allow me to reach out."</p>
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<p>Harry did as he was told and waited for that now-familiar tingle that would
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indicate Snape's presence. When he felt it, he allowed it entrance.</p>
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<p>For one disconcerting moment, he got the feeling that he was losing consciousness
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when he felt Snape tug at his own mind but the feeling quickly vanished.</p>
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<p>"Don't fight it," Snape said calmly, "Just follow."</p>
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<p>If Harry had been fighting Snape at all, he hadn't realized. But he allowed
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himself to relax some more and closed his eyes to get a better sense of what he was
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doing. If he concentrated, he got the distinct feeling of a presence floating
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somewhere right in front of him. The corridors of his – or were they already Snape's
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– mind passed them by as they went. All Harry had to do was stay close and he quickly
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found that he could do so if he simply let go of the idea that he was in control.</p>
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<p>"<em>Good</em>," Snape said. But Harry didn't think he had said it out loud. He
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had felt it more than he heard it, just like when Snape communicated with him when he
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was in a memory.</p>
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<p>"<em>You will experience a moment of disassociation now</em>," Snape told him,
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"<em>You must allow it. No harm will come to you."</em></p>
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<p>And suddenly, Harry felt as if he had lost his connection to the surrounding area.
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He could no longer feel the floor beneath him nor did he experience the feeling of
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breathing air. He felt as if he could lose himself at any moment now when he felt the
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gentle squeeze of Snape's hands grabbing his own. He reached out and grabbed hold of
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that feeling, allowing his mind to go where Snape was taking it.</p>
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<p>And then he was flung into a memory. It was disconcerting to find himself in a
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scene he hadn't taken part of like he was some sort of onlooker. He looked around,
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half expecting to find the physical form of Snape looming somewhere behind him but he
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wasn't.</p>
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<p>"<em>I'm here</em>," Snape assured him, "<em>Now pay attention to the memory and
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the shields I will be putting in place. You will only have a moment to study my
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efforts before you're ejected</em>."</p>
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<p>Harry recognized the outskirts of Cokeworth. They were near his mother's house. A
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young child with shoulder-length black hair sat at the riverbank, throwing pebbles
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into the water. His clothes were worn out and mismatched. He was probably no older
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than thirteen.</p>
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<p>"Severus!" Harry looked away to see a young girl run up to him. Her hair was the
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colour of fire and her green eyes were so much like his own. She was carrying what
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seemed to be a picnic basket.</p>
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<p>Severus got up and patted his clothes to remove the sand from them. "Hi Lily," he
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said, smiling warmly. Even Harry had never seen his father look as happy as he did at
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that moment.</p>
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<p>"I'm sorry I'm late," Lily breathed, leaning on her knees to collect herself, "Mum
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wanted me to clean up my room first."</p>
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<p>Severus snorted. "In that case, I'm surprised you even made it here at all."</p>
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<p>"Hey!" Lily reacted, swatting Severus playfully, "Are you calling me messy?"</p>
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<p>Severus laughed, "Are you denying it? I can't believe you didn't break a leg
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tripping over your own things yet."</p>
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<p>Lily grabbed Severus' hand and started dragging him with her. "Just come on," she
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said, "I'm starving!" Severus followed.</p>
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<p>Harry was smiling brightly at the scene when he recognised the mist swirling
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across the memory. It was the same kind he had been unable to mould in his
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<em>own</em> mind. More than see what was happening, Harry could feel it. The
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intangible fog was actually the solidification of his emotions or in this case those
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of Snape. He felt the tightening of Snape's hands on his and wondered if it was
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subconscious on his part.</p>
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<p>He was aware of the space between the silver slivers diminishing as they became
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less translucent and sturdier. If he would have had a sense of temperature, he was
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sure it would've become colder even though he didn't know why he thought that. The
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leaves of the surrounding trees stopped rustling and Harry wondered if time had
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stopped in the memory or if it had just been halted.</p>
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<p>"<em>No</em>," he said, "<em>Not yet. Please</em>."</p>
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<p>But his pleas were ignored and he was expelled from the memory. For a moment, he
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was disconnected from Snape and he couldn't help but think to himself that he wanted
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more. It was one thing to hear stories of his mother or to see her in pictures. It
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was another thing entirely to see her in real life, even if it was just a memory.</p>
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<p>And without even realizing what was happening, he felt his own mind flip through
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Snape's, memories flashing past him at breakneck speed. He couldn't even see what was
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going on. And suddenly - as if he had landed after using a portkey - he found himself
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grounded in another memory.</p>
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<p>"It's because he's a Gryffindor, isn't it?" Severus asked a frazzled looking Lily.
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Harry thought he might have been sixteen in this memory. He wasn't entirely sure what
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happened but his mother was in this memory too. And all he wanted was to see more of
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her.</p>
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<p>"Don't be ridiculous, Sev," Lily replied softly, "You know that doesn't matter to
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me."</p>
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<p>"You know how he is," Severus said. His voice sounded hurt. "You know what he and
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the rest of his pack do to people like me."</p>
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<p>"I know he used to be a prat," Lily answered, "But he's improved a lot lately,
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hasn't he? Wait, has he come after you again?"</p>
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<p>Severus seemed to struggle with himself for a while before glaring at Lily. "No,"
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he answered coldly, "But how does that negate his previous actions? They almost got
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me killed!"</p>
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<p>"That was Sirius," Lily said, anger evident in her voice but Harry didn't think it
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was directed at Severus. "And James was very upset with him for that. Remus as
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well."</p>
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<p>Severus huffed. "They were probably scared that people would find out about
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Lupin."</p>
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<p>"I can understand you're upset about this but it honestly has nothing to do with
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you, Sev,"<br/>
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Lily said, "You made very clear what you think of … people like me."</p>
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<p>Severus suddenly lunged forward and for a moment, Harry thought he might hit Lily.
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But instead, he pulled Lily close and kissed her fiercely, one hand on the small of
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her back and the other buried in her long hair on the back of her head. She seemed
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stunned for a moment before she roughly pushed him away.</p>
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<p>"Don't!" she spat, "You had your chance and you blew it." Her gaze softened when
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she saw the hurt look in Severus' eyes but she didn't approach him. "I'm with James
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now. I'm sorry."</p>
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<p>And without another word, she turned around and walked away. Harry wondered if he
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imagined the tears that now stained her face. He was overcome by pain and sadness as
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he watched Severus stand there for a few moments before finally turning around and
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heading in the opposite direction where Harry knew the dungeons were.</p>
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<p>Suddenly, Harry felt Snape's hands clench his almost painfully and he was flicked
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from the memory with more force than he was previously. He was aware of feeling his
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consciousness be picked up and dragged away. Then – with the distinct feeling of
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missing a step on the stairs – he was deposited back into his own mind.</p>
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<p>He opened his eyes and met Snape's cold stare. His hands were released instantly
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as the man got up and went to pour himself a large glass of fire whiskey.</p>
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<p>"I didn't do that on purpose," Harry said, wanting desperately to defend himself
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even if Snape hadn't accused him of anything yet. Snape didn't respond. He just took
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a large gulp of his whiskey, not turning back around to face Harry.</p>
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<p>"I don't know what happened," Harry tried again, "I'm sorry."</p>
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<p>Snape sighed deeply but still said nothing.</p>
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<p>"Dad –"</p>
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<p>"Don't," Snape finally replied. There was no anger in his voice. Only a distinct
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feeling of sadness that made Harry clench his own jaw in empathic agony.</p>
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<p>"Your lesson is over," Snape said, "You are excused."</p>
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<p>"But –"</p>
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<p>"Please leave, Harry."</p>
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<p>There was still no anger but the command was clear and Harry knew he would not be
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allowed to push his luck much farther. Without saying another word, he walked out of
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the door, glancing one last time over his shoulder to note that the glass of whiskey
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was already empty. He closed the door slowly and soundlessly, leaving Snape alone
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with his thoughts.</p>
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<hr size="1" noshade="noshade"/>
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<p>Upset with himself and desperate to find some sort of distraction, Harry went into
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the potions lab. Even if he was not allowed to start making his own creation, he
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could still work on improving existing ones. He could focus on making one he already
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knew but that would do little to distract him.</p>
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<p>He wanted to walk to the station he normally occupied when he noticed someone was
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already in the lab. And that someone was talking to Hedwig in a gentle voice,
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stroking her back.</p>
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<p>"Luna," Harry said in surprise.</p>
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<p>"Hi, Harry," Luna greeted.</p>
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<p>Harry frowned. Luna was not at all someone interested in potions. He had never
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seen her in the lab before. In fact, when had she ever walked the dungeon corridors
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willingly?</p>
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<p>"You seem surprised," Luna commented, smiling kindly.</p>
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<p>"I just didn't think I would see you here," Harry uttered, "Not that I mind, of
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course. The lab is open to anyone so feel free."</p>
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<p>"Hedwig won't mind, will she?" Luna asked honestly, "I would feel terrible if I
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disturbed her."</p>
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<p>"I think she secretly likes potioneers," Harry chuckled, "I haven't been able to
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move her back to the astronomy tower since that heatwave ended."</p>
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<p>"That's only logical, isn't it?" Luna offered, "She's been able to be in your
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company far more than when she's in that tower. Why would she give that up?"</p>
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<p>"Do you think so?" Harry asked, "I thought she simply liked the calm down
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here."</p>
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<p>"She's a very smart owl," Luna said confidently, "And she knows her master needs
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her."</p>
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<p>Harry gazed into Luna's eyes for a moment before coughing awkwardly and setting up
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his cauldron. "So, what are you practising today?"</p>
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<p>"The Draught of Living Death," Luna replied, "I wasn't able to brew it properly in
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class so Professor Slughorn proposed I try again in here. If I manage a better
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result, he will improve my grade."</p>
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<p>"Sometimes I forget you're a Ravenclaw," Harry said fondly, "Of course you would
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do nothing but your best."</p>
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<p>"It's all anyone can do, really," Luna said dreamily, "Even you, Harry."</p>
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<p>"Er… Right," Harry said uncertainly, "Here, let me help you. Did you bring your
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book?"</p>
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<p>"I'm sure you didn't come here with the purpose to help me," Luna said, "You can
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go ahead and focus on yourself."</p>
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<p>"It's nothing really," Harry said, "I came here with the intention to distract
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myself. And helping you will do."</p>
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<p>"Distract yourself?" Luna asked airily as she started chopping up her ingredients,
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"From what?"</p>
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<p>"Just something that happened," Harry said quietly.</p>
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<p>Luna regarded him for a while, with that kind wide smile on her face before
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replying. "You know, the reason you are able to hurt each other is because your souls
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are connected."</p>
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<p>Harry looked at her sharply, unsure of what to say. Luna just went back to
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grinding her rutabaga into powder.</p>
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<p>"How do you know what's bothering me?" Harry asked after a while. He picked up a
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knife and cut Luna's parsley for her.</p>
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<p>"I don't really," Luna replied, "But judging by your murky aura, it has something
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to do with Professor Snape."</p>
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<p>Harry nodded. "I saw a memory I wasn't supposed to see."</p>
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<p>Luna didn't seem taken aback by that statement at all. Nor did she ask any
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questions as to how that would have occurred. Instead, she asked: "Did you do it on
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purpose?"</p>
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<p>"No," Harry said easily, "At least I don't think so. I wanted to – well, not
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necessarily that particular memory – but I didn't even know how."</p>
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<p>"A wish is a powerful thing," Luna replied. Hedwig had come to join them on the
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station and was peering carefully at Luna's ingredients.</p>
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<p>"It's just that he has all these memories of my mother," Harry explained, "And I
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have none. It was so nice to finally see her. To know what she was like. But –"</p>
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<p>"But you found out she was human too," Luna spoke kindly, "She was not perfect and
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she made mistakes. We all do, Harry."</p>
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<p>Harry swallowed thickly, wondering why he was telling Luna as much as he was. "I
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know," he said, "But Severus is still suffering from what happened. Even if I don't
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fully understand it, it doesn't seem right."</p>
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<p>"The heart was made to be broken," Luna replied. She started the fire under her
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cauldron and threw in the first of her ingredients. "And the best way to keep that
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from happening is by pretending you don't have a heart at all. I think that's why
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Professor Snape acts the way he does."</p>
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<p>"But don't you see," Harry sighed, "That means my mum broke him. There's no way I
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can ever hope to fix that."</p>
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<p>Luna chuckled innocently. "Broken glass sort of looks like glitter, doesn't
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it?"</p>
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<p>Harry couldn't help himself. He laughed. Luna smiled brightly when he did.</p>
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<p>"I have faith in the both of you, you know," Luna said, "Professor Snape has been
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able to help you dispel most of your sadness. I know you can do the same for
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him."</p>
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<p>"Why do you think I was ever sad?" Harry asked.</p>
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<p>Luna looked at him knowingly. "I see many things, Harry Potter. It's easy to keep
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an eye on others when you're invisible. I know you once knew this too."</p>
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<p>Harry couldn't speak past the lump in his throat that had suddenly formed for no
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good reason. Hedwig nipped his finger carefully and Harry smiled at her.</p>
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<p>"This is where the potion stops doing what I want," Luna said, completely,
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undisturbed. She was about to toss in her Valerian root when Harry stopped her.</p>
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<p>"Don't throw it in haphazardly," he said, "You need to distribute the root along
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the edges of the cauldron. It has a reaction with the pewter that you need for the
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potion to work correctly."</p>
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<p>"Is that so?" Luna asked, coyly tilting her head. She carefully added the powdered
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root per Harry's instructions, watching eagerly as the potion absorbed the
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ingredient.</p>
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<p>"Don't forget to stir," Harry told her, snapping her out of her dreamy daze.</p>
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<p>"Of course," Luna said as if she hadn't forgotten at all. She stirred ten times
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clockwise while Harry watched.</p>
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<p>"So how is your personal project coming along?" Luna asked.</p>
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<p>Harry sighed. "Severus is forcing me to learn Occlumency before I am allowed to
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try and brew it at all."</p>
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<p>"You'll manage," Luna said knowingly, "I think your purpose is a great one."</p>
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<p>"You do?" Harry asked, feeling uncharacteristically happy with the faith Luna
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seemed to have in him.</p>
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<p>"Even death has a heart," Luna said, "He will allow you your creation. I know
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it."</p>
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|
<p>Suddenly, Harry wondered how much Luna still struggled with the death of her
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mother and if she was secretly looking forward to this potion herself. "I'm sorry
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about your mother," Harry said out of the blue.</p>
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<p>But Luna smiled and shook her head. "Death ends a life, not a relationship," she
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said, "I miss her but I will always have her nearby."</p>
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|
<p>Harry didn't know why he suddenly felt the urge to do so, but he embraced Luna
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kindly, trying to comfort her. She did not hesitate to hug him back. And even though
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he had initially hugged her to make her feel better, he couldn't help but feel his
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|
own troubles dissipate somewhat as well.</p>
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|
<p>When she ended the embrace, Harry felt almost saddened by it but he smiled back at
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her unflinchingly.</p>
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<p>"I do believe this attempt is considerably better, don't you?" Luna asked
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sweetly.</p>
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<p>"Huh?" Harry asked.</p>
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|
<p>"The draught," Luna replied, gesturing towards the cauldron.</p>
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<p>"Oh," Harry said, "Yes. Of course." He looked in the cauldron and found no fault
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with the potion at all. "It looked like you nearly had it anyway," Harry added, "You
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really didn't need all that much help."</p>
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<p>"We all need help sometimes," Luna said importantly. She bottled one vial and
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vanished the rest of the potion. "I really admire you, do you know that?"</p>
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<p>Harry felt himself flush, not knowing what to say. Thankfully for him, Luna didn't
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seem to expect a reply.</p>
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<p>"Bye, Harry!" she said before skipping out of the lab. Hedwig hooted as she left
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and Harry stroked her absentmindedly wondering when he had grown so fond of that
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dreamy little Ravenclaw.</p>
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<hr size="1" noshade="noshade"/>
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<p>A few days later, Harry found himself sitting at the breakfast table, staring
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wryly at his untouched breakfast rolls. He hadn't really spoken with Snape that much
|
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since their Legilimency lesson. There didn't seem to be any anger or resentment
|
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between them but they didn't speak nonetheless. When Harry chanced a glance at the
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high table, Snape was sitting there with Professor Bell having a very one-sided
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conversation with the man.</p>
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<p>"Even more muggles have disappeared," Hermione said worriedly. Harry turned his
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attention to her and frowned at the paper she was holding.</p>
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<p>"Again?" he asked, "That's three days in a row."</p>
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<p>"I know," Hermione said in frustration, "But this time, several muggles have died
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|
on the scene of the disappearance as well."</p>
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<p>"I'm sorry, Hermione," Ron said, drawing her in a one-armed embrace. "I know
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you're worried about your parents."</p>
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<p>Hermione accepted the embrace and nodded in Ron's chest. "I don't know what to
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do."</p>
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<p>"Maybe we can ask Dumbledore for help," Harry suggested, "Or if you want, we can
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owl the ministry and ask them to place some Aurors on the lookout near them?"</p>
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<p>"Why would they do that?" Hermione asked, "They're just dentists. There's nothing
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special about them."</p>
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<p>"We could at the least connect their fireplace to the floo network," Ron offered,
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"Have it connect to Hogwarts and explain how it works. Place some wards around their
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house and tell them to use the floo if it ever goes off."</p>
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<p>"Ron," Hermione said, pulling back to look at him completely baffled. "That's
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actually a very good idea. And Professor Dumbledore might even agree to it."</p>
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<p>"Of course he'll agree to it," Harry agreed, "He cares about his students and I
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|
know that he wouldn't want his top student's grades to go down because she's worried
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|
all the time."</p>
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<p>"What is Dumbledore even reading?" Ron suddenly asked when he noticed the strange
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paper the man was holding. Harry squinted but couldn't make it out.</p>
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<p>"The Sunday Times," Hermione said easily, "It's a muggle paper."</p>
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<p>"It's not even Sunday!" Ron said, "Are muggles always that late with their
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news?"</p>
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<p>"Of course not," Hermione sighed, "But you can't very well expect a muggle paper
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to get here on the day it's published, can you? It gets delivered to a squib
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Professor Dumbledore is in contact with and they owl it to him. It's bound to be a
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|
day late."</p>
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<p>"Okay," Ron said slowly, "But why is he reading a muggle paper?"</p>
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<p>"Is it because of the disappearances?" Harry asked.</p>
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<p>"I think so," Hermione said, "But to be honest, he didn't exactly tell me his
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|
intentions when he asked me what I thought was the more reputable muggle paper."</p>
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<p>Harry stared at Dumbledore contemplatively for a while when the man seemed to
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notice that he was being watched and looked up to see Harry looking at him. He smiled
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brightly and Harry smiled back sheepishly.</p>
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<p>Dumbledore held his gaze for a moment more before inclining his head toward Snape.
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Harry's gaze flickered to the man before he could help himself. Snape was busying
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himself with eating eggs and ham. Professor Bell was no longer talking to him but
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entertaining Hagrid with a funny anecdote of some kind if Hagrid's thunderous laugh
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|
was any indication.</p>
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<p>Harry met Dumbledore's gaze again and shrugged as he shook his head, a helpless
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|
expression on his face. But Dumbledore winked at him and nodded as if to tell him
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that everything would be alright.</p>
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<p>"Ready for defence?" Ron asked.</p>
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<p>"As ready as I'll ever be," Harry sighed, "Let's go."</p>
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