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<div class="chap-title">
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31. Chapter 31
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</div>
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<div class="chap-text">
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<p><em>A big thank you to everyone who reviewed! Don't be too upset with poor old
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Snape. He's had a lot of bad things happen to him. On that note, please enjoy this
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chapter!</em></p>
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<hr size="1" noshade="noshade"/>
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<p class='c1'><strong>Chapter 31</strong></p>
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<p>Harry was very much aware that Snape's personal problems were no concern of his
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nor would Snape appreciate him prying. That's why Harry tried not to let Snape's
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attitude get to him at first. But after several days had passed and Snape – as well
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as Professor Bell – were still sulking like a couple of teenagers, Harry decided that
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he was sick of it.</p>
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<p>Since Snape was hardly approachable when he was in a mood, Harry decided to talk
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to Bell in the weekend. That's why he found himself standing in front of her door on
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Saturday morning. He knocked three times and waited patiently. A stumble inside of
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the office told him that Bell was in. A few seconds later, the door was opened
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hesitantly.</p>
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<p>"Good morning, Mr Potter," Maya greeted in mild surprise, "Did you have questions
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about the staff of Caduceus?"</p>
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<p>"No, Professor," Harry replied, "But I did have some questions. Could I come in,
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please?"</p>
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<p>"Of course," Maya told him, stepping aside to allow Harry entry. When Harry was
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inside, Maya closed the door and went to sit behind her desk, steepling her fingers
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as she smiled kindly at her student. "Sit down," she said, "And tell me what's on
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your mind."</p>
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<p>Harry accepted her offer to sit and met his History Professor's gaze. "I hope that
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I'm not intruding with this…" he said, suddenly wondering why he thought it was a
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good idea to meddle into the affairs of his father. "But I'm very worried."</p>
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<p>Professor Bell frowned. "What are you referring to?" she asked. Her voice was less
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kind and Harry thought that she might already have a very good idea of why he was
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there.</p>
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<p>"What happened between you and my dad?" he asked, "He looks like you kicked his
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favourite puppy."</p>
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<p>"And what makes you assume that I have anything to do with his current demeanour?"
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Maya asked flatly.</p>
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<p>"Because you look exactly the same way," Harry pointed out.</p>
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<p>"I hardly think this has anything to do with you," Maya said softly.</p>
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<p>"Perhaps not," Harry agreed, "But I can't just sit by and do nothing while someone
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I care about is in obvious distress."</p>
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<p>"I assure you that the only reason Severus is in '<em>distress'</em> is due to the
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machinations of his own warped mind."</p>
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<p>"Excuse me?" Harry responded, a bit taken aback by the sudden bite in Maya's
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voice.</p>
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<p>Maya sighed. "I apologise," she said then, "I shouldn't have said that. Perhaps
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you should speak to Severus about this instead."</p>
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<p>"He's hard to talk to when he gets like this," Harry said.</p>
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<p>Maya laughed bitterly. "You don't say."</p>
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<p>"Look," Harry said, "Did you pull a prank on him that went too far or something?
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Because I'm sure that if that was the case a simple apology would set things
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right."</p>
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<p>"It was nothing of the sort," Maya said sort of angrily, "Though he will tell you
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that it was."</p>
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<p>"Wait, so he thought you pranked him when you didn't?" Harry asked, sufficiently
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confused.</p>
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<p>"Exactly that," Maya said, distress now obvious in her own voice. She seemed to
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lose all decorum as she huffed and ran a hand through her long hair. "I know that
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we've been fooling around for a while but can't a person tell someone else that she
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likes him without being kicked to the curb?"</p>
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<p>Maya clapped her hand in front of her mouth after she said that, looking at Harry
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with thinly veiled embarrassment.</p>
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<p>Harry stared right back with utter amazement. "Wait," he said calmly, "You like
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Severus?"</p>
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<p>Maya sighed, "Ignoring the last couple of days, yes," she said, blushing slightly,
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"Very much so."</p>
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<p>"Oh no," Harry mumbled, "And you say he –"</p>
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<p>"He threw me out," Maya said, shrugging as if she didn't particularly care. But
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she was an open book and Harry knew that she did.</p>
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<p>"He threw you out," Harry said evenly, "That git!"</p>
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<p>"Harry, I don't need you to fight my battles for me," Maya warned when she saw
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Harry bristle, "We're both adults here."</p>
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<p>Harry snorted, "Yes, you would think so, wouldn't you?" he said, "Thank you for
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talking to me, Professor."</p>
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<p>"Harry," Maya said warningly, "Leave it."</p>
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<p>"I can't, Professor," Harry told her frankly, "I don't know what his problem is
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but I assure you that it's not you. I'd rather he stops burying his personal issues
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within himself."</p>
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<p>Maya frowned but said nothing. Taking this as his chance to leave, Harry opened
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the door and left Maya's office, thoroughly annoyed.</p>
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<hr size="1" noshade="noshade"/>
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<p>Harry had gone straight to the dungeons and to Snape's personal chambers. He
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didn't bother knocking but rather forced his way inside to find Snape in his kitchen.
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He looked at Harry as the boy came in and raised his eyebrows as he took in Harry's
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angered appearance.</p>
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<p>"Harry, I'm not in the mood," he said darkly.</p>
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<p>"Oh, not in the mood are you?" Harry said as he closed the door just a tad too
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harshly. "I wonder if you even realize what you've done!"</p>
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<p>Snape sighed. "What are you upset about <em>this</em> time?" he asked
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exasperatedly, "Is it because you got published again? Is it because I haven't
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responded to your messages all the time? I honestly would rather deal with your
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teenage tantrum some other time. Perhaps we could reschedule?"</p>
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<p>"Oh, you think you're so funny, don't you?" Harry growled, "The hilariously
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sardonic greasy git of the dungeons!"</p>
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<p>Snape's gaze darkened even more as he slammed his hands on the kitchen table. "I
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warned you that I am not in the mood for this," he hissed, "And I will give you one
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more chance to get out of here before I throw you out myself."</p>
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<p>"Like you did with Professor Bell?" Harry challenged.</p>
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<p>Snape seemed taken aback by that as was evident by the shock on his face.</p>
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<p>"How do you know about that?" he snarled.</p>
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<p>"Does it matter?" Harry challenged, "What I would like to know is why you would
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behave the way you did. If you're not interested, you can tell her that. There's
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absolutely NO need for you to humiliate her as you did."</p>
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<p>Snape sneered, "And I take it that your Gryffindor chivalry compelled you to come
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set me straight, did it?" he asked cruelly, "Did it ever occur to you that perhaps it
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was not I that was in the wrong here?"</p>
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<p>"Oh really?" Harry countered, "Please do explain then. Go on, I have all day.
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Explain to me why your response to someone confessing her feelings for you –
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something that would have no doubt taken a lot of courage – is to throw her out and
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then shun her from there on out?"</p>
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<p>"She was joking," Snape said coldly.</p>
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<p>Harry threw up his hands in exasperation. "No, she wasn't!"</p>
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<p>"You're far too naive."</p>
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<p>"And you're much too cynical."</p>
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<p>"Whatever the case, I assure you that Professor Bell does not need you to fight
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for her."</p>
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<p>"Don't you understand?!" Harry shouted, "I'm not fighting for her. I'm fighting
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for you!"</p>
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<p>Snape actually dared chuckle at Harry's outburst. The sound was dark and bitter.
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"I don't need you to do that," he said, "You know nothing of love yourself. What
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makes <em>you</em> fit to tell <em>me</em> what to do?"</p>
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<p>"I now understand why you had that conversation with me, the other day," Harry
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said snidely, "I joked about it at the time but you really just don't want me to end
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up like you."</p>
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<p>"Mind what you say," Snape snarled.</p>
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<p>"When will you stop excluding yourself from the rest of the world?" Harry said
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desperately, "My mum is dead! Lily is dead! When will you understand that?"</p>
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<p>Snape's look turned into ice and his lips formed a very thin line.</p>
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<p>"You are a child, Potter. Ill-equipped to deal with the social hardships of life.
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But I suppose I should not be surprised seeing how you were brought up," Snape
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sneered. Harry felt his blood turn to ice at the cruel statement.</p>
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<p>To him, it felt as if they had travelled several years back in time. Snape
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normally never spoke to him like that anymore.</p>
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<p>Harry closed off his heart to protect it from the Potions Master's wrath and
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narrowed his eyes at him. "I really hate you sometimes, you know that?" he said
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softly but he knew that Snape had heard him.</p>
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<p>"Well, right now I'm not too fond of you either," Snape said darkly. "Get out,
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Potter."</p>
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<p>"Fine," Harry replied. Without another glance at the man who he – until a few
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moments ago – regarded as his father, he stalked out of Snape's quarters and rushed
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out of the dungeons, regretting that he ever walked into Maya Bell's office that
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day.</p>
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<hr size="1" noshade="noshade"/>
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<p>Harry had skipped dinner that evening, opting for an early night. Anything to stay
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out of Snape's way for a while. Perhaps once they both had had sufficient time to
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cool down, they could reconcile. But as Harry went over the things Snape had said in
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his head, he knew that the time wasn't right for that yet.</p>
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<p>The next morning, he had skipped breakfast as well. He half expected Snape to send
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him a message through his cuff to ask him where he was, but no such message came.
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Snape was probably still pretty angry himself.</p>
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<p>It was a good thing that Harry knew Dobby. When he asked the house-elf to bring
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him some food, he had gladly obeyed and brought Harry much more than he could
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possibly eat. A good thing too, because drinking potions on an empty stomach was
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rarely a good idea.</p>
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<p>And now, Harry found himself in the potions lab, painfully aware of how close he
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was to Snape but not bothering to pay the man a visit. Oh no, he would brew this
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potion with or without his help.</p>
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<p>Harry peered into his cauldron. He had substituted the water base for a honey mead
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base and was waiting for it to heat up to an acceptable temperature. He glanced
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towards the edge of the room where Slughorn sat, watching him with great interest.
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Every now and then, his lips moved and Harry would gesture towards his own ears to
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signify that he could not hear the man due to the containment field.</p>
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<p>Upset as he was, Harry was not stupid. He knew that experimentation with this
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particular potion should always be supervised and hey, several months ago Snape
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himself had said that Slughorn might come in handy at some point. Though he probably
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wouldn't have expected Harry to substitute Snape for him this blatantly.</p>
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<p>Well, Slughorn had agreed rather excitedly.</p>
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<p>When the honey mead was sufficiently hot, Harry started adding ingredients as he
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stirred, careful to keep a close eye on the innate magic of everything involved. He
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incinerated the jackal fur before adding it to the potion and was pleased to see the
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concoction eagerly swallow the ashes.</p>
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<p>The innate magic of the ghost pipe was a gorgeous green that reminded Harry of
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life and joy. The potion's innate magic seemed to reach out to the ghost pipe before
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Harry had even fully managed to prepare it.</p>
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<p>"Be patient," Harry chuckled before realizing that speaking to a liquid was rather
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insane. And yet, he could feel its eagerness, its… familiarity in a way. As he was
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brewing, completely closed off from the rest of Hogwarts and even the world, Harry
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was able to forget his current strife.</p>
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<p>Too soon, he reached the final stage of the potion. He pulled out some of his
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hairs and tossed them into the crystal clear potion that somehow looked like plain
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and translucent water. The potion bubbled vigorously, the larger portion of the
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liquid evaporating as it had done before until there was only enough left to fill one
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vial. Harry collected it carefully and – with some disappointment – breached the
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containment field once more.</p>
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<p>"Harry," Slughorn said in amazement, "That was fantastic!"</p>
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<p>"Thanks, Professor," Harry brushed off the comment, "But now I need to actually
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test it."</p>
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<p>"Of course, of course," Slughorn said. In some ways, he seemed to be even more
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excited than Harry was.</p>
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<p>"The effects of the potion lasted two hours last time," Harry told Slughorn, "I
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don't know if the timeframe will increase with the changes I made but if I am out for
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more than three hours, it's best that you go get Professor Dumbledore."</p>
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<p>"Of course," Slughorn said agreeably, "I'll keep a close eye on the time."</p>
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<p>"I suspect it will be a bit boring to watch me but I'm counting on you,
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Professor."</p>
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<p>"Harry," Slughorn, "I understand my duty as a Potions Master. I'd rather you
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didn't suggest otherwise."</p>
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<p>"I apologise, Professor," Harry said, "You're right of course. Well –" he sat down
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on the floor with his back against the wall. He occluded his mind as he had done
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before and lifted the potion to his lips. "Bottom's up!"</p>
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<p>He downed the potion in one, placing the empty vial next to him so it wouldn't
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shatter when he lost consciousness. He looked at Slughorn and saw his face going out
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of focus.</p>
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<p>And then, the potions lab disappeared altogether. Harry felt a tug on his mind and
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allowed it to transport him to the plane where he would hopefully be able to
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<em>talk</em> to the spirits this time.</p>
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<p>Where last time he had found himself standing in a dark and damp room, he was now
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sitting in a meadow that stretched as far as the eye could see. Wildflowers and tall
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grass surrounded him. The sky was a baby blue and even though there was no sun, Harry
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got a distinct impression that it was warm.</p>
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<p>While still taking in the scenery, he was suddenly surprised by two hands covering
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his eyes. The touch was cold and warm at the same time but the hands were not
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transparent. Reflexively, Harry raised his hands to cover the ones obstructing his
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vision.</p>
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<p>The hands moved to cup his cheeks and turn his face slightly. And suddenly, Harry
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found himself staring into the eyes he saw every day when he looked into the mirror.
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People always told him he had his mother's eyes. It was unreal to have them looking
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back at him like this.</p>
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<p>"Mum," Harry said. The redheaded woman nodded and kneeled next to him. She didn't
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look like a spirit or ghost or anything. It was almost as if she was really there.
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Only…</p>
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<p>"Mum, can you talk to me?"</p>
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<p>Lily opened her mouth and her lips moved as if she was saying something but no
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sounds were produced.</p>
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<p>"Damn it," Harry huffed. Lily gave him a reproving look and Harry snorted. "I'm
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seventeen, mum. I will use some bad language every now and then." That elicited a sad
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look from the woman as she grabbed hold of one of Harry's hands.</p>
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<p>"Is dad not here this time?" Harry asked. Lily shook her head and placed a hand on
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Harry's heart. "Do you two talk to each other in – you know – the afterlife?"</p>
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<p>Lily twisted her hand a few times as if to say '<em>In a way'</em>.</p>
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<p>"I'm experimenting with a potion now," Harry told her, "I'm trying to make
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something that will allow me to talk to you."</p>
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<p>Lily placed the tip of her index finger against Harry's temple and gave him a
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questioning look.</p>
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<p>"Are you worried about the consequences to my mind?" Harry asked. Lily nodded.</p>
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<p>"Snape taught me Occlumency," Harry said evenly, "I'll be fine."</p>
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<p>Lily got up from where she sat and placed her hands on her hips giving Harry
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<em>the look</em>. It was the same look that Molly Weasley sometimes gave Ron when he
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had caused some sort of trouble.</p>
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<p>"Are you trying to tell me I did something wrong?" Harry chuckled, "Because I'm
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sure that in seventeen years' time, I did a lot of things wrong."</p>
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<p>Lily seemed to sigh. She grabbed Harry's arm and pointed towards the cuff he was
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wearing.</p>
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<p>Harry frowned. "Are you upset about Snape?"</p>
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<p>Lily gave a sharp nod.</p>
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<p>"For what <em>he</em> said or for what <em>I</em> said?" Harry asked.</p>
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<p>Lily glared at him pointedly and then held up two hands as if she was weighing
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something.</p>
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<p>"You realize that <em>he's</em> the adult, right?" Harry asked, "I can't help it
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if he's being a prat."</p>
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<p>A pained expression struck Lily's face and she looked away for a moment as if she
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was caught off guard by a memory.</p>
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<p>"Mum," Harry said, "I miss you."</p>
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<p>Lily sat back down next to her son and draped her arm around Harry's shoulder.
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Harry didn't mind the cold tingle. Another hand brushed through his hair and he
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couldn't help but think that life would've been a lot different for him if he
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could've had a loving mother.</p>
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<p>"I miss all of you," Harry then said, "You, dad, Sirius…"</p>
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<p>Gently, Lily lifted Harry's arm and brought the cuff into focus again.</p>
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<p>"I know," Harry said softly, "I have Severus now. And I appreciate him for it but
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sometimes he can be such a –"</p>
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<p>His mother's hand clasped his mouth and when Harry looked at her in surprise, she
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shook her head mildly.</p>
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|
<p>"I get it," Harry chuckled, "No cussing."</p>
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|
<p>Lily nodded sharply.</p>
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|
<p>Harry felt a tug at the back of his mind and groaned. He took Lily's hand and held
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it tight. "I don't want to go yet," he said.</p>
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|
<p>Lily got up and dragged Harry to his feet.</p>
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|
<p>"I've only just gotten here," Harry said, "I'm sure I can stay just a moment
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more."</p>
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|
<p>Lily shook her head and inclined her head into the distance, signalling for Harry
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to go. Harry felt another tug at his mind. It was stronger this time.</p>
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|
<p>"Okay," he said, "I'll go. Please just –" Harry stepped forward and drew his
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mother into a tight embrace. By now, she was slightly shorter than he was. "- Hold
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me. Just one more time."</p>
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<p>Lily's arms enveloped him in one more embrace. Harry thought he could faintly
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smell her hair if he really tried. He could dimly imagine the sound of her laughter.
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He could almost… almost be with her.</p>
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<p>But she let him go and shooed him away with an exaggerated motion of her hands.
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With one last look into his mother's eyes, Harry exhaled and let go.</p>
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<p>Harry blinked a few times and the potion's lab came back into focus.</p>
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<p>"Welcome back, Harry," Slughorn said kindly. He sounded as if he was paying
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attention to his inflexion and Harry wondered why that was. When he reached for his
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glasses to right them properly, he noticed that his face was tear-stained. Well, that
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was just brilliant.</p>
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<p>"I'm sorry, Professor," Harry said, his voice sounding hoarse. "I don't know why
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I'm crying."</p>
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<p>"That's quite alright, Harry," Slughorn said, "Were you able to meet a
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spirit?"</p>
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<p>"Yes," Harry said, righting himself on wobbly legs, "There was only one this time
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but she –" Harry ran a shaky hand through his hair, "- I still couldn't hear her.
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There's still something wrong. A reason that the potion is not working to its fullest
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effect."</p>
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<p>"Perhaps one of the catalysts isn't strong enough," Slughorn suggested.</p>
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<p>"Maybe," Harry agreed, "I'll have to look into it again. How long was I gone?"</p>
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<p>"Two hours and a half," Slughorn said, "So I guess you managed to extend the
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duration of the potion somewhat, hm?"</p>
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<p>"I'm not sure," Harry said, "Maybe."</p>
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<p>"I think you need to get something to eat, my boy," Slughorn said, "You've been
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brewing for hours and then you've been gone for a long time as well. It's nearly
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dinner time, after all. Come, let me escort you."</p>
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<p>"That's okay," Harry said, "I'll eat something in the common room."</p>
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<p>"Nonsense!" Slughorn exclaimed, "Come now. I know that you don't feel up to it
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right now but you'll feel much better after sitting with your friends and getting
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some sustenance into your body."</p>
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<p>"Professor, I-"</p>
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<p>"I'll hear no more of it," Slughorn said sternly, "Since I've been supervising
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your progress for today, I also need to make sure that you recover properly. I won't
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have either Professor Dumbledore or Snape on my case should you suddenly collapse in
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the hallway."</p>
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<p>Harry chuckled somewhat and sighed. He really didn't want to but on the other
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hand, he did need to eat. And it would be good to see his friends. "Okay, you win,"
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Harry said.</p>
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<p>"I usually do," Slughorn grinned, "Come. Let's walk."</p>
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<p>The walk to the great hall was accompanied by discussions and comments about
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various ingredients and their effects. Suffice to say that the short walk was not
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enough to determine what was still wrong with Harry's potion but it distracted him
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enough to be able to walk into the great hall without trepidation once they got
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there.</p>
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<p>"I'll leave you to your friends now," Slughorn said, "Good work today. I know that
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you'll work it out soon. You're so close! Just remember to let me know once you do,
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okay."</p>
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<p>"Of course, Professor," Harry said. They parted ways and Harry did his best not to
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look at the head table. He didn't even want to see the expression on Snape's face
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right now. He had walked in with Slughorn after all.</p>
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<p>"Are you alright, Harry?" Hermione asked as he took his seat.</p>
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<p>"Yeah, you do look a bit knackered," Ron added.</p>
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<p>"I've been brewing all day," Harry explained, conveniently leaving out the part
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where he had tested the potion and seen his mother. It had been emotionally draining
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and truly, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed.</p>
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<p>"Well, it's good to see you show up for a meal," Hermione said motherly, "You have
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to eat something."</p>
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<p>"Dobby brought me breakfast this morning," Harry told them, "It's not like I've
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been going without."</p>
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<p>"Well, could you make sure to tell Snape that next time?" Ron asked pointedly, "He
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came looking for you here at lunch and was absolutely furious that we didn't know
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where you were."</p>
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<p>"I'm sure he wasn't mad at you," Harry said, tearing off a piece of bread, "He's
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mad at me."</p>
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<p>"I'm sure he's just worried," Hermione pointed out.</p>
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<p>"I don't know," Harry said, "We had a pretty bad fight."</p>
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<p>"Even so," Hermione said smartly. "That's what people who love you do. They care
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for you even at the moments that you don't get along."</p>
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<p>Harry felt a pang of guilt and finally looked at the high table. Snape was there.
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He was staring at his plate again, his food still untouched.</p>
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<hr size="1" noshade="noshade"/>
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<p><em>Throw some love my way, if you could. Reviews are greatly appreciated as you
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well know.</em><br/>
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<em>In any case, thanks for reading!</em></p>
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